


Rock Bottom

by Thursdays_Angel



Series: Picking Up the Pieces [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Brodinsons, Fix-It, Gen, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thursdays_Angel/pseuds/Thursdays_Angel
Summary: Loki continues to heal while at the Avengers facility. There is more than enough blame to go around for Thanos's victory. Loki watches his brother take it all on his shoulders.





	Rock Bottom

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I was so surprised by the attention that Picking Up the Pieces received. My muse was kind enough to help me crank out this sucker in less than a week. As you can see, I've decided to start a series which is pretty much Endgame with Loki included. Which, if you ask me, should have been how it went originally.  
> Note, I've only seen the movie twice so I can't guarantee that the dialogue is 100% correct though I've obviously changed some things to work with having Loki there as well. So glad the transcripts wiki had what I needed for a couple of the scenes otherwise this would have had to wait until the DVD came out so I could get what I needed.  
> Also, I don't have a beta so if there are any glaring mistakes please let me know. I've already gone back to do some grammatical corrections on part 1.  
> Anyway, enjoy!

**_ Rock Bottom _ **

            Loki slept better the first night back at the Avengers compound curled next to Thor than he had in, well, he really couldn’t remember how long. His throat was still sore and whenever he tried to speak it sounded like he’d been gargling glass. It hurt to eat and drink as well but he found that, for some oddball reason, drinking carbonated water helped to soothe his throat. Also, peppermint candy was a _Norns_ send.

            Loki chewed up what miniscule amount of candy was left in his mouth and swallowed. He left the room he currently shared with his brother to search for the man. They’d originally each been given a room but neither brother could stand to be that far away from each other at night.

            It was strange to be among people who had at one time been his enemies. Truth be told, Loki had expected to be locked up as soon as his feet touched the ground.

            He’d stolen some of Thor’s clothes. The jeans were a bit big but a little manipulation with his seiðr and they fit perfectly. He’d also stolen one of his brother’s hoodies too (changing the color from gray to dark green; because reasons) with no plans on ever giving it back.

            After wandering through most of the complex with no luck in locating Thor he decided on a different destination.

            Hands tucked into the little pouch in the front, he made his way towards the medical wing of the building. A friendship had begun to take root between him and Stark during their journey back to Midgard. The man had rescued Loki from floating in space for eternity. Something he was more than grateful for.

            He came to Stark’s room and gently knocked on the door. Stark put down the tablet he’d been reading. “Hey Merlin. Come on in.”

            Loki entered the room and noticed a blonde woman sitting beside Stark’s bedside. He briefly remembered seeing her at Stark’s side the night they’d returned but had never learned her name. He nodded to the woman with a small smile.

            _How are you feeling?_ He signed to Stark.

            “Weirdly enough, better than yesterday. Though I doubt much of anything’s changed. Oh that’s right. Pepper, this is Loki. Loki, this,” he turned his head to smile at her, “is Pepper. The one and only woman who continually puts up with my shit.”

            The look Lady Pepper gave Stark spoke volumes. Loki grinned wider.

            “Someone has to keep you in line,” Lady Pepper said. “The pays good too.”

            Stark placed a hand over his heart, a mock look of hurt on his face. “You wound me. Are you saying you’re only with me for my money?”

            Drily she replied, “it doesn’t hurt.”

            Stark flopped back and brought a hand up before declaring dramatically, “Wounded by my fiancée. I bleed.”

            Loki raised an eyebrow. _People say I’m dramatic._

            Sitting up again, Stark laughed. “How are you feeling?” He asked Loki once he’d stopped laughing.

            _I am doing well, thank you. I will be glad when I am able to speak again._

            “Any idea when you’ll have your voice back?” Stark waved a hand. “Let me rephrase that, when will you be able to talk and not sound like you’re dying?”

            Loki shrugged, pulling out another candy from his pocket. _I’m hoping within the next couple of days. Though I wonder…_

            Loki’s seiðr had gotten much stronger just over the past day. Biting his lip in thought, he brought about a simulacrum, the copy wearing his normal leathers. “I suppose I could speak this way,” he said through his copy with a normal voice.

            Stark and Lady Pepper’s eyes went wide. “You did that back in Germany way back when. Magic I’m guessing.”

            “Yes.”

            “How does that work? Light manipulation? Is it like a hologram?” Stark pushed himself to sit forward a bit. “You can talk through it but is there more?” He picked up an apple from the tray beside him. “Could you catch this?”

            Lady Pepper caught his wrist before he could toss the apple, “Tony, no.”

            “This,” the simulacrum gestured to itself, “is not solid. That takes more energy to do. I can see and hear through all copies I make.” A few more simulacrum popped up around the room. They all spoke in unison, “like this.”

            Stark turned to Lady Pepper, “I’m keeping Loki.”

            Lady Pepper said, “No.”

            Loki’s smile faded as a wave of dizziness hit him. He sat in the nearby chair, all of the simulacrum disappearing as he did so.

            “Are you alright?” Lady Pepper asked him.

            Loki waved a hand then signed, _yes._

            “You overdid it,” Stark remarked.

            Loki nodded. _It will pass._ He took a few breaths to help combat the dizziness. Once it had passed he asked, _Has Thor been by?_

            Stark shook his head. “No.” To Lady Pepper he asked, “have you seen Thor?”

            “Not since last night,” she replied.

            “F.R.I.D.A.Y., where’s Thor?” Stark asked.

            A female voice from seemingly nowhere answered, “Thor is currently in the courtyard, boss.”

            Loki sent Stark a questioning look.

            “F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s my A.I.

            Loki nodded in acknowledgement before standing. His dizziness had abated and he made a mental note not to overtax his seiðr like that again. _Thank you. I am glad to see you are improving._ He turned to Lady Pepper. _It was a pleasure to meet you Lady Pepper._

            At her confused look Stark said to her, “He said he’s glad to meet you.”

            “You too,” Lady Pepper said to Loki. “I’m sorry, I don’t know sign language that well.”

            Loki waved her off and brought about one simulacrum. “Don’t worry about it,” he replied.

            “Hey,” Stark threw a ball of paper at the copy. There was a small flash of green and yellow as it passed through. “I thought you weren’t going to overdo it.”

            Both Loki and the duplicate rolled their eyes. “One simulacrum is not going to tax me.”

            “Says the guy who looked like he was going to pass out a minute ago. Don’t make me sick your brother on you. He seems like he’d be the mother hen type.”

            “Oh, you have _no_ idea. I’ve stabbed him a number of times for just such behavior.”

            “God, you two are completely dysfunctional. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a knife to the gut.”

            “It’s usually his side.”

            Stark shook his head with a chuckle. “How is Thor by the way?”

            Loki looked out the window while the simulacrum kept its gaze on Stark. “I’m not entirely sure. We haven’t spoken much and I haven’t seen him at all yet today.”

            Stark’s eyes drooped a little and Loki turned his attention back to him. “I should let you rest.”

            Stark waved off his remark, “I’m fine.”

            “No you’re not Tony,” Lady Pepper said. Stark’s yawn seemed to emphasize her point. “Get some sleep.” She stood and leaned over to give him a kiss. “I’ll be back later.”

            Loki dismissed the simulacrum and left Stark’s room with a small wave. Lady Pepper followed him out and stopped him before he could get too far down the hall.

            “I want to thank you, for helping him stay alive.”

            Loki looked down at her hand on his arm, surprised at her touch. No one had been overly hostile to him so far but he hadn’t thought that anyone other than his brother would feel comfortable enough around him for such an action.

            Lady Pepper pulled her hand back, “sorry.”

            “It’s alright,” Loki said, his damaged voice sounding horrible to his ears. “You just surprised me is all.”

            “I meant what I said. Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t come back.”

            “I owe him my life. Thanos broke my neck and blew up our ship, leaving me floating dead in space. If Stark hadn’t found me… If he hadn’t accidently pushed the broken vertebra back in place, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

            “Well, I’m glad he did.” She reached out and squeezed his arm again before leaving him.

            Loki continued to be surprised by the Midgardians actions towards him. With a sigh, he headed out to the courtyard to look for Thor.

            It took a bit of wandering but he eventually found his brother sitting on a stone bench staring seemingly at nothing. Loki silently sat beside him, waiting for his brother to acknowledge him.

            When Thor said nothing and did not seem to realize he was there Loki said, “Thor.”

            Thor jumped, looking to Loki in surprise. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, brother.”

            Loki blinked at him. “Thor, I’ve been sitting here for five minutes.”

            “What, really?”

            “Yes.”

            “Oh… Wait, Dr. Banner said not to speak. Why are you talking?”

            Loki rolled his eyes and twisted so that Thor could see him sign. He switched to Asgardian sign language. _I had to get your attention somehow. Would you prefer I stab you again?_

            “Not really,” Thor replied.

            _Well, there you go._ Loki looked at his brother. Thor looked severely worn out. There were dark circles under his eyes and he had a sullen droop to his shoulders. He wore Midgardian clothing similar to what he’d had on when they were searching for Odin and yet they seemed almost too big for him. There was a darkness weighing him down. Even the weather around them was reacting to Thor’s mood. Loki didn’t think Thor was doing it intentionally.

            “What are you doing out here?” Thor finally asked.

            _Searching for you. I didn’t want to stay in our room any longer. I’m not sure I’m entirely welcome here as it is._

            “We explained what happened last night.”

            _That doesn’t change the things I’ve done to them nor my involvement in…_ he gestured around them. _…this._

            It was midday and where there should have been birdsong there was silence. Thanos’s destruction had been further reaching than they’d realized. It hadn’t just been half of all people he’d wiped out, it had been half of _everything_. Truly half of all life.

            “This wasn’t your fault Loki.”

            “Wasn’t it?” Loki rasped. “I gave him the Tesseract. I told him where to find it to begin with.”

            “After you had been tortured and your mind and body broken over and over!” Thor gripped Loki’s arms hard enough to bruise. “Yes, you did terrible things while under his thrall but this is not on you. The fault lies with me.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “I should have gone for the head.” Thor released him and turned away. His gaze drifting out into the distance. “I wanted to avenge you. I wanted him to suffer for what he had done.” He dropped his head towards his chest. “I wanted to watch him bleed, to beg for mercy while I killed him, so I missed. I should have gone for the head.”

            Loki watched a tear slide down his brother’s cheek. “Thor—”

            “So you see brother, I am to blame. I… I don’t even know if any of our people survived.”

            “We evacuated as many as we could and Valkyrie is with them. We’ll find our people and bring them here.”

            Thor rubbed the tears from his eyes and straightened up. “Banner is going to kill me for having you talk so much.”

            “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

            Thor’s whole body shook when he sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”

            Loki poked Thor until his brother turned his mismatched gaze to him. _We take things step by step. One day at a time._

            “I suppose...”

            _Fine, I’ll change the subject. Where by the_ Norns _did you get that eye?_

            “My eye? Oh, Rabbit gave it to me.”

            _Rabbit?_

            “Yes. I think he and Nebula have been sharing a room.”

            Loki felt his eye twitch. He ran a hand down his face with a long suffering sigh. “That’s a raccoon, Thor.”

            “I know.”

            Loki shook his head, looking heavenward for a moment before returning his gaze to his brother. _Have you eaten yet today?_

            “I’m not hungry.”

            _Brother, you need to eat._

            “I can’t. The thought of food right now makes me sick.”

            _Will you come with me then? I need to eat to regain my strength. I don’t entirely trust someone here won’t try to poison me._ Thor didn’t look like he planned on moving anytime soon. Loki decided to play the scared little brother card. _I don’t want to be alone._

            Thor’s gaze softened. “All right.” He stood and Loki followed suit. “Maybe they’ll have pop tarts.”

* * *

            Thor watched Loki eat. A small plate had been made for him but he found himself moving his food around more than actually eating it. Whenever Loki looked up at him he made sure to put something in his mouth. He suspected Loki was doing it on purpose since he was constantly looking up at him.

            Thor was beyond happy to have his brother back. He had feared living out the rest of his days knowing that he had gotten Loki killed. Thor had always thought that he helped people. He glanced down at his hands and flexed his fingers. He had been wrong. For the first time he was seeing the truth, he did not help, he only destroyed.

            Tapping on the tabletop drew his attention away from his inner thoughts.

            _What’s wrong? You’re barely touching your food._

            Thor sighed. Loki was far more observant than he had any right to be right now. “I haven’t been able to eat very much lately. I’m always nauseous.”

            _Have you told anyone about that?_

            He shook his head, “I didn’t want to bother anyone.”

            Loki moved from his place across from Thor to sit beside him. Loki placed his chin in his hand, staring at Thor. He reached over and picked up a grape from Thor’s plate with his other hand. He looked from the grape, back to Thor and popped it into his mouth. Loki made sure to purposefully chew with his mouth open.

            “That’s disgusting.”

            Loki continued to steal small pieces of fruit, keeping eye contact with Thor the whole time. Thor felt his ire rise. “You can be so annoying,” Thor said, swatting Loki’s hand away and stuffing some food into his mouth.

            _I’m the younger brother. I’m supposed to be annoying._ Loki dipped his fingers into Thor’s drink and flicked the water at him.

            Thor flinched, wiping the droplets from his face and leveling a raised eyebrow at his brother. “You are the wor—” he stopped suddenly, remembering the last words he’d said to Loki on the _Statesman._ He swallowed hard. “Loki, I need to apologize.”

            Loki’s brow furrowed in confusion.

            Thor continued, “there is much I need to make up for. Things I was blind to for years. Much more that I regret. Up until yesterday, my biggest regret had been that the last words you heard from me was saying that you were the worst brother. I’m sorry for that.”

            _You’re not wrong._

            “What?”

            Loki dropped the piece of fruit he had on the plate and slumped back in his chair. “If I had been a better brother,” a simulacrum on the other side of Thor appeared, “I would have said something years ago about Thanos. The _only_ reason I took the Tesseract from Asgard was because I knew it would not be destroyed in the explosion. It would have been more dangerous to have left it floating in space. Also, I should never have stayed aboard the _Statesman_. I drew Thanos to us. It is my fault that our people are lost.”

            “No Loki, that’s not—”

            “Not what? Not my fault? Can you truly look me in the eye and tell me that I am not to blame?”

            Thor’s mouth snapped shut and he looked down at the table. Yes, Loki may have held some of the blame for all of this but he wasn’t the one to fail to kill Thanos before he used the Stones to destroy the universe. He wasn’t the reason for countless deaths.

            They were prevented from continuing their conversation by Rocket. “They’re having a meeting or somethin’ about Thanos. Move you asses…” The raccoon paused, eyes darting back and forth between the two Loki’s. “I thought you only had one brother, not twins.”

            “Simulacrum,” Loki’s copy said before disappearing in a green mist.

            “Oh, sure,” Rocket said with a shrug as he turned and headed away, “why not.”

            Thor shared a look with his brother before they stood to follow Rocket.

* * *

            They entered one of the living areas of the compound and Loki was a little surprised to see Stark present. The man was sitting at the table with an IV bag hanging behind him. Thor moved past him to take a seat at the back of the room. Once everyone was present the dark skinned man began to speak.

            “It’s been twenty-three days since Thanos came to Earth.”

            Widow continued, “World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did... exactly what he said he was going to do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent, of all living creatures.”

            Stark asked, “Where is he now?”

            “We don’t know,” the Captain replied.

            From the table Rocket said, “he just opened a portal and walked through.”

            “What’s wrong with him?” Stark asked, tilting his head to indicate something behind Loki.

            Loki turned to see his brother with the same blank expression he’d had in the courtyard. He hated seeing his brother like this. It unsettled him and he didn’t like it one bit.

            “He’s pissed.” Rocket replied. “He thinks he failed. Which of course he did,” the raccoon shrugged, “but there’s a lot of that’s goin’ around, ain’t there?

            Stark’s eyebrows shot up, “Honestly, at this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear.”

            “Maybe I am,” Rocket retorted.

            The Widow continued as if the conversation hadn’t gone off topic. “We’ve been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans and satellites, and we got nothing.”

            The Captain turned towards Stark, arms crossed. “Tony, you fought him.”

            “Who told you that?” Stark asked incredulously. “I didn’t fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the stone.” His tone becoming angrier the more he spoke. “That’s what happened. There was no fight.”

            “Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?”

            Stark scoffed, “I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn’t wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming.”

            For a moment Stark’s gaze turned to Loki before he went back to glaring at the Captain.

            Exasperation entered the Captain’s voice as well. “Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus.”

            “And I needed you,” Stark growled. “As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need.” Stark swiped the bowl in front of him off the table then stood abruptly. “I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling you, Cap…” He took a shaky step towards the Captain.

            Stark’s dark skinned friend (Rhodey?) moved over to him, stepping between Stark and the Captain, grabbing his arms. “Tony, Tony, Tony, stop!”

            Stark ignored his friend, talking over him while his gaze never left the Captain. “Otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedom or not— that’s what we needed!”

            “Well, that didn’t work out, did it?” the Captain asked sardonically.

            “I said,” Stark continued, ignoring the interruption. “‘We’ll lose.’ You said, ‘we’ll do that together too.’ And guess what, Cap? We lost. You weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right?” He continued to gesture with his hands. “Our best work after the fact? We’re the Avengers. We’re the Avengers? Not the Prevengers, right?”

            “Okay, you made your point,” Rhodey said. “Just sit down, okay?”

            Stark shook his head, “Nah, nah, nah,” and pushed past the man. “Here’s my point.”

            “Sit down!”

            Stark continued to ignore him “She’s great, by the way.” He turned his attention to the woman who had rescued them. “We need you. You’re new blood.”

            “ _Tony!_ ”

            “Bunch of tired old mills!” He turned his anger back on the Captain. “I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no plan, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. _Liar_.”

            The Captain flinched at Stark’s words. Something had obviously happened between them since the first time Loki had met them. Stark tore the glowing device from his chest, grabbed the Captain’s wrist and shoved it into the man’s hand.

            “Here, take this. You find him, and you put that on. You hide.”

            Stark’s legs finally give out and he fell to the ground.

            “Tony!” the Captain cried.

            “I’m fine…” Stark said, breaths becoming harsh. “I…” Stark’s eyes rolled up into his head as he lost consciousness.

            “Shit,” Rhodey knelt beside his friend and tapped his cheek, “Tony. Come on, Tony, wake up.” There was no response from Stark. Rhodey continued to try to rouse him. He suddenly looked up at the others. “His heart’s stopped.”

            Without thinking Loki pushed forward to kneel beside the man.

            “The hell are you doing?”

            Loki let his seiðr flow and green danced around his fingertips. A moment later Stark’s breath shuttered as his heart started and he began breathing again. Loki pulled his hand away and met the other man’s dark eyes.

            Rhodey looked stunned, “Uh… Thanks.”

            Loki stepped back and watched the others rush Stark back to the medical wing. He felt an arm drape across his shoulders and turned to see Thor standing beside him. “That was quick thinking brother.”

            They followed the rest of the group at a slower pace. By the time they arrived Stark had been hooked up to machines to help him and Lady Pepper was by his side. The topic of conversation reached their ears as Nebula began speaking.

            “I can tell you where Thanos is. Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. Then when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I’d ask ‘where would we go once his plan was complete?’ His answer was always the same: To the Garden.”

            “That’s cute,” Rhodey quipped, “Thanos has a retirement plan.”

            The Captain asked, “So where is he then?”

            From a nearby table Rocket said, “When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions.” A hologram of Earth appeared with a representation of a shockwave radiating out from it playing before them all. “No one’s ever seen anything like it... Until two days ago.” The image changed to another planet with a similar shockwave.

            Nebula moved closer to the table and indicated the hologram “On this planet. Thanos is there.”

            Widow leaned against the table as she studied the hologram. “He used the Stones again.”

            “Hey, hey,” Banner interrupted, “we’d be going in short-handed, you know.”

            Rhodey said, “Look, he’s still got the Stones, so…”

            “So let’s get him,” Danvers finished. “We’ll use them to bring everyone back.”

            “Just like that?” Rhodey asked skeptically.

            Loki agreed with the man’s cynicism. Nothing with Thanos was ever easy. He listened with half an ear as they argued between themselves. He heard a rustling behind him and turned to see Thor reclining at the table but finally eating something.

            After finishing off whatever he’d been eating Thor stood, coming over to stand before Danvers. He met her gaze and held out his arm. A moment later, an axe flew into his hand. Loki raised an eyebrow as Thor leaned against it and declared, “I like this one.”

* * *

            It would take a few more days before their ship would be ready to travel to the planet Thanos was on. Night had settled and Loki found himself once again alone in the room he shared with Thor. Exhaustion had overcome him after all of the excitement earlier. He’d fallen asleep shortly after Danvers had left to get something to help Stark.

            Loki sat up and stretched. His eye caught on the axe his brother had left leaning against the far wall. Where the Hel had Thor gotten the weapon? He’d have to remember to ask him.

            Loki’s stomach took that moment to rumble and remind him that it had been several hours since he had last eaten. He decided to search for a snack. Loki made his way to the kitchen area and found Rocket, the Captain and Widow sitting around the table talking softly. To his relief Thor was there as well. He was glad to see Thor’s appetite had apparently returned.

            He moved over to where his brother was finally eating a decent meal. He briefly glanced at the people at the table as he passed but the smell of bacon was too great to ignore. He swiped a piece from Thor’s plate.

            “Should you be eating that?” Thor asked.

            Loki shrugged, savoring the flavor. Probably not but he was willing to risk an upset stomach. It _was_ bacon after all.

            Thor shook his head and pushed his plate closer to Loki who wasn’t about to refuse free food. After a few more bites he asked, _Where did you get the axe?_

            “Stormbreaker?” Thor rubbed the back of his neck. “After the _Statesman_ was destroyed Rabbit and I went to Niðavellir to have a weapon made to kill Thanos. Eitri forged her for me.”

            Rocket’s voice reached them from the table, “there’s a lot to that story you left out big guy.”

            Thor’s eyes widened briefly in alarm before barely managing to catch himself.

            Loki raised a questioning eyebrow towards Thor. _What is he talking about?_

            “Nothing brother.”

            Rocket snorted and Loki noticed that the other two were just as interested in the story as he was.

            Thor raised his hands with a shrug, “Truly, there is nothing to tell.”

            “Yeah right.”

            “Shut up Rabbit,” Thor hissed.

            “What is this story my brother does not want me to hear?” Loki’s simulacrum asked, mirroring his crossed arms.

            Thor came around the counter and tried to lead Loki out of the room. Loki shrugged him off, it was obvious he was not going to like whatever the raccoon had to say.

            Loki glared at his brother, “What did you do Thor?”

            “Nothing.”

            Loki wasn’t convinced and his look told Thor just that. He continued to glare figurative daggers at Thor. He had half a mind to manifest a real one. His simulacrum turned to Rocket. “What happened?”

            “Really brother,” Thor interjected much too quickly, “there is no story to tell. We went to Niðavellir, Stormbreaker was forged and tha—”

            Loki raised a hand, using magic to silence Thor’s voice. His brother’s mouth moved with no sound then Thor was glaring at him for the action. Both he and his simulacrum looked at Rocket expectantly.

            The next thing Loki knew he was being lifted and thrown over Thor’s shoulder. He flailed before beating at Thor’s back. Manifesting a dagger he growled, “Put me down Thor or I swear I will stab you.”

            Thor paused looking at the simulacrum questioningly.

            The simulacrum gave Thor a look that clearly said _do you really want to test that_ and Loki found his feet once more on the ground. He moved away from his brother and gestured for Rocket to tell the story.

            “Uh… yeah… The forges were cold when we got there and we managed to get them started again but… uh… The iris thingy that focuses the energy was busted. Thor held it open so the metal could be melted.”

            Loki and his simulacrum whirled on Thor, yelling, “You did _what!?_ ” A shockwave radiated out from him causing nearby objects to fly across the room and crash against the far wall.

            “And this is my queue to leave,” Rocket said.

            Thor had the decency to at least look sheepish. Loki let go of the magic keeping Thor’s voice at bay. “It worked…” Thor tried.

            “What’s so bad about that?” came the Captain’s voice.

            Loki never moved his gaze from his brother. “The forges of Niðavellir are heated by the heart of a dying star. The iris is used to focus that energy to a single point. With the mechanism broken the only way to keep it open would have been to hold the iris open _from the inside_. Thor would have been exposed to the entire force of that star as he held it open.” To Thor he yelled, “You could have been killed!”

            “The hell Thor,” the Widow cried.

            “But I wasn’t,” Thor said. “Everything turned out fine.”

            “But what if it hadn’t?” Loki shook with barely controlled anger and fear. “What if,” the simulacrum vanished and it was Loki’s broken voice that wavered, “you had been killed?”

            “I wasn’t.”

            “ _You could have been!_ How could you throw your life away like that?”

            Thor’s gaze darkened and his voice was laced with anger when he asked, “How could you?”

            Loki was taken aback, “What?”

            “On the _Statesman_. You attacked Thanos. With. A. Dagger! I _know_ you are smarter than that.” Thor stormed over to him, grabbing the front of his shirt and slamming him against the wall. “I had to watch you die. _Again!_ ” Tears formed in Thor’s eyes, threatening to fall.

            Loki was barely aware of the Captain and Widow leaving the table to grab at Thor’s arms.

            Thor continued, “How many more times Loki? How many more times are you going to throw _your_ life away as if it means nothing? Do you truly think so little of yourself?”

            Softly Loki said, “Thor, I have been a dead man walking since the moment I let go of Gungnir.”

            Thor’s fingers loosened in surprise at Loki’s words but he didn’t take any steps back. Both Widow and the Captain were looking at him strangely as well.

            Loki sighed, straightening out his shirt as best he could. “I tried to kill myself a year before I came to your world,” he explained to the two Midgardians, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I… learned a secret about myself that our parents truly never planned to tell me. I understand now why they did it but… the knowledge that I had been born to a race of monsters…”

            “You’re not—” Thor began.

            “It was something I could not handle,” Loki continued, “and given the circumstances surrounding the time I learned it, I went a little crazy.

            “I make no excuses for my actions against your realm.” He looked up at Thor, “I would face Thanos weaponless if it meant your survival.”

            “I would never ask that of you.

            “You wouldn’t have to. Thor, even when my mind wasn’t my own, when I hated you with every fiber of my being, I never truly wanted you dead. I couldn’t live with that.”

            Thor’s hands dropped to his sides. Several emotions played out on his face, not one of them anything Loki wanted to see. The worst among them was guilt. He couldn’t understand why Thor felt so much of it when all of the blame lay with Loki. So Thor hadn’t killed the Titan, so what? He wasn’t the one responsible for pointing the creature in the right direction. He wasn’t the one who had been too weak to resist.

            “And you think I can live knowing I was the cause of your death?”

            Loki pushed past them, pinching the bridge of his nose. He took a breath to steady himself before turning back to face them. “We could argue this back and forth for centuries and it would get us no further than we are now. You blame yourself, I blame myself. The raccoon was right, there is a lot of that to go around. I hold more than others,” he held up a hand cutting off Thor’s protest, “and you can deny it all you want but it is the truth.”

            “But, from what we were told last night, you’re just as much a victim of Thanos as anyone. Probably more so,” said the Captain.

            “Tell me Captain, in the grand scheme of things, does that really matter?”

            The Captain and Widow exchanged a look. “Actually, I think it does,” replied the Captain.

            “How?”

            “It changes the context. It changes, well, everything. You’re not to blame for what you were forced to do.”

            Loki raised an eyebrow, surprised by the venom in the Captain’s voice. Even the Widow looked skeptical. Thor only looked hopeful. “So I am absolved of any wrongdoing? Because of what Thanos did to me, the destruction I’ve wrought means nothing?”

            “Exactly. Look, I have a friend who was captured by Hydra and brainwashed into becoming their weapon. He was forced to do unspeakable things while under their control. He’s not to blame for any of the murders he was forced to commit. He can’t be.”

            Ah, and there was the heart of the issue. It appeared as if the Captain was trying to use Loki’s case as a justification for his friends. “Who did he kill?” Loki asked.

            The Captain looked away, suddenly uncomfortable.

            “Is this the reason for the discord between you and Stark?” Thor asked.

            The Captain didn’t answer. It was the Widow who said, “One of the Winter Soldier’s missions was to kill Tony’s father. He ended up killing his mother too since there could be no witnesses.”

            “You knew this and didn’t tell him?” Thor asked incredulously.

            Loki was thankful for the unexpected subject change. His throat was quite painful from all of the talking he had been doing. While he knew his argument with Thor was not finished he had no strength to continue it that night.

            “I only suspected at first,” the Captain tried to defend. “Once I found out I didn’t tell Tony because it wouldn’t have done him any good. It _wasn’t_ Buck’s fault.”

            Loki picked up one of the surviving glasses from the table and took a drink. “As someone who had been lied to for over a thousand years in the name of _protection_ , trust me, it makes a difference. Tell me, how angry was Stark?”

            “He tried to kill him,” Widow replied.

            “Now that sounds familiar,” Loki said meeting Thor’s gaze. He went to refill the glass.

            “But Buck is innocent.”

            “No, he isn’t.” Loki coughed and saw flecks of blood on his hand afterward. He could feel the open wounds in his throat. Thor caught his hand before he could wipe the blood off, a look of concern entering his eyes. “I’ve been talking too much,” Loki explained.

            “Then perhaps we should end this conversation so you can rest.”

            Putting the glass down Loki signed, _Fine. I am still angry at you for being so reckless. Also, don’t use that damn axe as a crutch. It’s not Mj_ _ö_ _lnir, don’t treat it as such._

            With a nod to the other two, he grabbed Thor’s arm and dragged him along with him. His stomach rumbled a little, reminding him of why he’d gone to the kitchen in the first place. He ignored it.

            “Have you been eating Loki?” Thor asked.

            Loki shook his head a little. He hadn’t been eating as much as he should have been. Most of his time had been spent sleeping to recover from his injuries.

            Thor pulled out of Loki’s grasp, “don’t move.” He went back to the kitchen and came out a few minutes later with a small container. They returned to their room where Thor revealed he’d taken some fruit, bread and cheeses that they shared before curling up together and sleeping away the rest of the night.

* * *

            The days passed quickly and the repairs on the ship had been completed. Loki had spent much of his time during those days sleeping and doing what he could to heal and regain his strength. The argument he and Thor had had about who was to blame for Thanos’ victory had not come back up but Loki knew it was only a matter of time.

            He watched the preparations from underneath the overhang outside the main building of the compound. The atmosphere was subdued but there was also the undercurrent of excitement. To know they would be taking the fight to Thanos was both exhilarating and terrifying.

            Thor joined him on the bench, setting Stormbreaker to the side. He was dressed in his armor. It was different from the last time Loki had seen him in it, darker.

            “How are you feeling?” Thor asked.

            “Much better,” replied Loki. “I no longer sound like I’m dying when I speak.” His voice had almost completely returned to normal but the pain associated with speaking had gone completely. He looked back out to where the ship was. “When do we leave.”

            He heard Thor shift beside him and he turned to see him looking uncomfortable. “I’m leaving within the hour. You are staying here.”

            Loki’s eyebrows rose, “pardon?”

            Thor sighed. “You are still recovering from your injuries—”

            “I’m well enough to fight.”

            “—and I would feel better if you did not come.”

            Loki stood with a shake of his head. “You don’t trust me.”

            Thor grabbed his wrist. “Trust has nothing to do with it brother.” Loki looked skeptical. Thor cringed, “well, maybe a little bit to do with trust but not in the way you’re thinking. I trust you wouldn’t try to betray us. What I don’t trust you to do is _not_ to do something reckless. Like attack Thanos. I can’t... I can’t risk losing you again. “

            Loki sat back down. He shifted so he could look straight into his brother’s mismatched eyes. “You don’t get to make that choice. Whether or not I confront Thanos is my decision to make.”

            Thor stiffened, “I will order you if I have to. I am still king.”

            Loki smirked at Thor, eyebrow raised and he patted Thor on the cheek. “You just keep telling yourself that.”

            Exasperated, “Loki!”

            Mockingly, “Thor.”

            Thor’s good eye twitched and a flash of lightning ran through his gaze momentarily turning his eyes white. “Please brother,” Thor pleaded, “I won’t be able to focus on the battle if I am worrying for your safety.”

            “And you believe I would be safer here?”

            “The further you are from Thanos the safer you are. I have no doubt of that.”

            “You do realize I would be among my enemies.”

            “They are not your enemies.” Thor sighed. “You are being purposefully stubborn, aren’t you?”

            “Maybe. The fact remains that not too long ago I came here with the intention of conquering this realm.”

            “But it was not of your own free will.”

            “That won’t matter to some.”

            Thor pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Can we discuss this when I get back? You are safe here, I promise you that.”

            Loki folded his arms across his chest and leaned back. “Fine, I will remain behind, but on one condition.” He turned his head slightly to glare at his brother. “You must promise to return. If I am not allowed to take unnecessary risks then neither are you.”

            “Agreed.” Thor stood when he saw the others heading for the ship. “You… you will be here when I return, won’t you?”

            Loki stood as well. “Where else do I have to go?” Loki suddenly found himself within Thor’s tight embrace. With a roll of his eyes he patted his brother’s back. “You and your sentiment.”

            “Shut up,” Thor said into his hair. “Admit it, you love it.”

            “I admit nothing,” though he did squeeze back a little harder. “Stay safe.”

            Thor pulled back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I will return.”

            “You had better. Otherwise I will pull you from Valhalla and beat you.”

            Thor pulled away and picked up Stormbreaker. “I would expect nothing less.” He headed for the ship, calling back, “If you want something to do, keep Stark out of trouble.”

            Loki couldn’t help himself, he laughed. “You do realize who you are talking to? We both know what happens when I have idle hands.”

            Thor laughed as well while he boarded. Loki watched the ship take off. He sent a silent prayer to the Norns that they would complete their mission and that Thor would return to him. Thor was the only family he had left. Loki didn’t know what he would do if his brother was taken from him.

* * *

            A blinding light lit up the night sky and a resounding boom shook the compound, waking Loki. He shot up in his bed, the rainbow colors reminding him of the Bifröst. No, the colors weren’t just a reminder of the Bifröst, it _was_ the Bifröst. He ran from his room, was it possible Heimdall had survived?

            He spotted Lady Pepper as he entered the foyer. “What was that?” she asked.

            The automatic lights had come on due to movement outside. He spotted, “Thor.” Loki ran outside. There was no sign of the ship. “Brother, what happened? Where are the others?”

            Thor dropped Stormbreaker and Loki spotted what appeared to be blood on the axe. Thor looked at him with dead eyes.

            It was an expression that sent a shiver up Loki’s spine. For the first time in a long time he truly feared his brother. He felt himself begin to shake. “Thor?”

            Thor seemed to return to the present at Loki’s shaken call of his name. He reached Loki and pulled him into a tight embrace. Loki could feel Thor trembling when he returned it. Once more he asked, “Thor, what happened?”

            Thor let out a shuttering breath and it was a few more moments before he finally replied.

            “I went for the head.”


End file.
